“We look like a bunch of fucking wankers!”

— Guenther Steiner

The Haas F1 Team.  America’s great hope in the decidedly European sport of Formula 1.  Brainchild of Gene Haas.  “A bunch of fucking clowns.” Like country, like F1 team.

Haas F1 Team boss Guenther Steiner has said after the German Grand Prix that he might have to put his foot down so that Romain Grosjean and Kevin Magnussen stop hitting each other on track.  After another collision while the pair were racing for position, Steiner appeared to be livid on the pit wall.  While last year on Netflix’s “Drive to Survive” (which is, by the way, an excellent insight into the world of Formula 1) he was talking about the team being “fucking clowns”, this year one can’t wonder if you’ll hear the same comments about his drivers.

During the German GP, Grosjean and Magnussen made contact in the hairpin on lap 57 of the race.  This is exactly one (how many? ONE!) race after they made contact in the British Grand Prix and eliminated each other from contention.  During both races, the Haas F1 drivers were A/B testing different aero packages as the team tries to come to grips with their VF-19 chassis’ poor race pace.  I mean honestly, they really do look like a “bunch of fucking wankers” right now.

Steiner’s post race comments also alluded to the fact that he might implement team orders before the next weekend’s Hungarian Grand Prix in Budapest.  “I haven’t seen the incident in the replay, I’ve seen it once on TV. I need to look at it and we need to come to a conclusions because we are not really quick, so we don’t need any more distractions or loss of points by running into each other or into anybody else as well. It’s one of these stories where I’m baffled in the moment. We will regroup and go again,” said the Haas Team Principal.  In case you, Mr. or Mrs. Reader, can’t put two and two together, that definitely means team orders.  

This quote brings us to another, more entertaining fact though.  Steiner is consistently one of the most baffled people in the F1 paddock.  Last year he was baffled by Romain Grosjean’s hilariously inept accident in Barcelona, baffled by the incident last week in Silverstone, and baffled again this past weekend.  One can only wonder what kind of baffling on track antics the Haas F1 drivers can come up with this time.  Will we see Romain Grosjean spin, punch the gas, and drive into the side of another driver?  Or will we see Kevin Magnussen keep pointing fingers at everyone but himself?  Maybe we will see Steiner racing his Haas F1 Team cars with a radio control?  I for one would find that incredibly entertaining.  I mean how much worse could it be than the way Magnussen and Grosjean are right now?

“I was as surprised as maybe everybody else that after what happened in Silverstone, they do it again,” said Steiner. “I mean, I didn’t speak with them after the race, there’s no point. I will do it before Budapest and find a clear line what to do and what not to do. If they don’t understand what that means, I need to tell them event by event and lap by lap what to do, and I think that will happen,” he said.  Interesting comments, considering just a few years ago team orders were still banned by F1, only to be reinstated after the FIA decided the rules couldn’t be properly enforced.  I think he’ll have his work cut out for him, as his drivers don’t seem to have the best listening skills.  Just ask Racing Point how that went with Esteban Ocon and Sergio Perez last year. 

To make matters worse, Haas sponsor Rich Energy was piling on to Steiner’s misery in the lead up to this weekend’s grand prix.  The CEO of Rich Energy at the time (that’s another topic worthy of it’s own post), William Storey, tweeted out multiple assaults on the Haas team before the race.  He even posted a photoshopped copy of a milk float painted in the Haas colors with him at the wheel, implying that the car was slow and that he could have been a better driver after the French Grand Prix a month ago.  The company sent out another tweet saying “Haas F1 Team loves Rich Energy so much, they even kept our name on the car after we sacked them for poor performance.”  Guenther Steiner attracts clowns like sorority girls at a frathouse.

At least Steiner and Haas can take solace in the fact that the FIA found Alfa Romeo to be “a bunch of fucking cheaters”.  Haas was able to score a double points finish in 8th and 9th after a.) both of their drivers finished and b.) both Alfa drivers Raikkonen and Giovinazzi were given 10 second stop-and-gos after the FIA found that Alfa Romeo had something “mimicking” traction control, which has been banned in F1 since 2008.

Grosjean had this to say after the race. “I’m very happy with the double points finish. It was obviously a bit of a crazy race. I don’t think we’ve quite sorted our race pace. When you see the midfield being in front of us and only the Williams behind. Anyway, we survived when we had to survive, but it was very difficult. You saw all the top guys going out and off the track – conditions were very tricky. I’m happy to have a double points finish, but when you see a Toro Rosso on the podium, you wish you were there.”  Dude, really?  You can’t even not crash into your teammate, and you’re taking digs at Toro Rosso?  I mean, Kvyat is a disaster too, but he actually got on the podium.  He sprayed the champagne.  Meanwhile, you’re probably cowering in the motorhome hoping daddy Guenther doesn’t put his size 9 up your ass before you get to Budapest.

Haas F1.  What a bunch of fucking clowns.